| Saying/Quote | Nature | Element | Score |
|---|---|---|---|
| If he's so smart, how come he's dead? |  |
 |
299 |
| Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! | |
|
296 |
| Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! |  |
 |
284 |
| Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you |  |
 |
283 |
| Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? | |
|
277 |
| Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems | |
|
276 |
| The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication | |
|
275 |
| That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too | |
|
272 |
| You say that so often that it lost its meaning | |
|
272 |
| Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible | |
|
271 |
| See you in hell, dinner plate! | |
|
270 |
| Oh sure. Even communism works. In theory | |
|
264 |
| I want the answers now or eventually! | |
|
262 |
| Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out | |
|
262 |
| I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? | |
|
261 |
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| I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush | |
|
260 |
| Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love! | |
|
258 |
| How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? | |
|
258 |
| Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation | |
|
257 |
| You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way | |
 |
257 |
| You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts | |
|
256 |
| There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it | |
|
255 |
| Jesus, Allah, Buddah. I love you all! | |
|
252 |
| I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming | |
|
251 |
| I feel that if a gun is good enough to protect something as important as a bar, then its good enough to protect my family | |
|
250 |
| I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! | |
|
248 |
| Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! | |
|
248 |
| Don't you think you're underreacting? | |
|
246 |
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| I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here | |
|
246 |
| It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen | |
|
243 |
| Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people | |
|
242 |
| Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman | |
|
240 |
| Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! | |
|
240 |
| Operator! Give me the number for 911! | |
|
239 |
| When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong | |
|
238 |
| Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? | |
|
236 |
| All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say "Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?". I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad | |
|
235 |
| That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A *blue car* | |
|
235 |
| A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice | |
|
234 |
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| I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman | |
|
234 |
| Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer | |
|
233 |
| In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics | |
|
232 |
| Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such | |
|
231 |
| Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use | |
|
231 |
| Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup? | |
|
229 |
| The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten | |
|
229 |
| It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day | |
|
227 |
| Oh, Marge, whenever I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out. Remember that time I went to those duff brewery classes and I forgot how to drive? | |
|
227 |
| Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it | |
|
226 |
| Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel | |
|
226 |
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| Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog | |
|
226 |
| You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide | |
|
221 |
| Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! | |
|
218 |
| You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity | |
|
217 |
| How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze | |
|
217 |
| Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! | |
|
217 |
| Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get | |
|
217 |
| No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip | |
|
216 |
| I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is - and it's me | |
|
215 |
| We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget - we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup | |
|
215 |
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| When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! | |
|
215 |
| Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos | |
|
214 |
| When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something | |
|
214 |
| Money can be exchanged for goods and services! | |
|
214 |
| Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing | |
|
213 |
| Yeah, good things don't end with "eum", they end with "mania" or "teria" | |
|
212 |
| I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening | |
|
209 |
| You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos | |
|
209 |
| If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement | |
|
208 |
| Oh, so they have internet on computers now! | |
|
207 |
| Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon. The stupidest, smelliest ape of them all | |
|
206 |
| God bless those pagans | |
|
206 |
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| Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? | |
|
205 |
| Batman's a scientist?! | |
|
205 |
| No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz | |
|
205 |
| I've gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos | |
|
204 |
| Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs | |
|
203 |
| I dont need any serving suggestions from you, you know nothing know it all | |
|
202 |
| I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed? | |
|
202 |
| From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way | |
|
201 |
| Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised and I turned out TV | |
|
201 |
| When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun | |
|
201 |
| Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore | |
|
200 |
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| I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow | |
|
199 |
| I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again | |
|
197 |
| Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races | |
|
196 |
| Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try | |
|
195 |
| Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close | |
|
195 |
| You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine! | |
|
195 |
| Rats. I almost had him eating dog food | |
|
194 |
| What do you mean, all the time? Even when they're nuts? | |
|
194 |
| Oh, yeah. Beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night. It's wonderful, Marge. I've never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined | |
|
191 |
| You mean you gave away both your dogs? You know how I feel about giving | |
|
190 |
| hat's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden | |
|
189 |
| Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman | |
|
185 |
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| C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU | |
|
179 |
| Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case | |
|
177 |
| This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit | |
|
177 |
| Well, I think the veal died of loneliness | |
|
177 |
| Bad bees. Get away from my sugar. Ow. OW. Oh, they're defending themselves somehow | |
|
174 |
| Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively | |
|
173 |
| I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your | |
|
172 |
| When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently trough the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the Bible tells us, "Let your children run wild and free." | |
|
172 |
| Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning | |
|
171 |
| When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie - Police Academy | |
|
170 |
| Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy. You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life, he showers you with riches. Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion? | |
|
164 |
| Homer Simpson Quotes - The Simpsons - Ultimate Homer Simpson Quotes Collection | |||
| Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him | |
|
163 |
| I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster | |
|
162 |
| I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down." | |
|
156 |
| Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau? | |
|
150 |
| Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd | |
|
126 |
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