| Author |
Quote |
Score |
| Ingvar Kamprad |
I'm stingy and I'm proud of the reputation |
314 |
| Karl Marx | Religion is the impotence of the human mind to deal with occurrences it cannot understand |
313 |
| Oscar Wilde | I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect |
310 |
| Clint Eastwood | I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it |
309 |
| Zig Ziglar | People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily |
309 |
| Oscar Wilde | Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat |
307 |
| Will Smith | I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts |
307 |
| Oscar Wilde | A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction |
306 |
| Oscar Wilde | Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months |
306 |
| Clint Eastwood | If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster |
305 |
| Oscar Wilde | I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot |
303 |
| Will Smith | Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem? |
303 |
| Oscar Wilde | If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by always being immensely over-educated |
302 |
| Eminem | Unless you want to fuck me, why do you care what I look like? |
300 |
| Oscar Wilde | I have but the simplest taste - I am always satisfied with the best |
300 |
| Homer Simpson | If he's so smart, how come he's dead? |
299 |
| Karl Marx | Last words are for fools who haven't said enough |
299 |
| Montgomery Burns | You know, Smithers, "I told you so" has a brother. His name is, "Shut the hell up"! |
299 |
| Oscar Wilde | All art is quite useless |
299 |
| Oscar Wilde | I am not young enough to know everything |
299 |
| Eminem | Oh you want me to watch my mouth? How, take my fucking eyeballs out and turn em around? |
298 |
| Oscar Wilde | There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love |
298 |
| Will Smith | Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit |
298 |
| Oscar Wilde | In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever |
297 |
| Montgomery Burns | I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant |
296 |
| Oscar Wilde | America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between |
296 |
| Oscar Wilde | Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much |
295 |
| Will Smith | There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you |
295 |
| Bruce Lee | Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything |
294 |
| Oscar Wilde | The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means |
294 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women are made to be loved, not understood |
294 |
| Barack Obama | You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig |
293 |
| John Cleese | It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor |
293 |
| Montgomery Burns | Well, that's odd, I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp |
293 |
| Will Smith | Why don't you look like one? |
293 |
| Oscar Wilde | Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same |
292 |
| Oscar Wilde | Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives |
292 |
| John Cleese | You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change |
291 |
| Oscar Wilde | Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it |
291 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious |
291 |
| Rowan Atkinson | Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine |
291 |
| Karl Marx | History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce. |
290 |
| Oscar Wilde | The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water |
290 |
| John Cleese | It's alright, he's only choking! |
289 |
| Montgomery Burns | I'll keep it short and sweet: Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business |
289 |
| Montgomery Burns | So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect? |
289 |
| Shakespeare | I dote on his very absence |
289 |
| Eminem | To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway |
288 |
| Oscar Wilde | Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die |
288 |
| Will Smith | If you were me you'd look good |
288 |
| Rowan Atkinson | You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest |
287 |
| Oscar Wilde | If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism |
286 |
| Oscar Wilde | The play was a great success but the audience was a disaster |
286 |
| Oscar Wilde | The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years |
286 |
| Oscar Wilde | How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive |
285 |
| Homer Simpson | Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! |
284 |
| John Cleese | I'd like to meet him. I could do with a laugh |
284 |
| Montgomery Burns | You know, I'm no art critic. But I know what I hate |
284 |
| Oscar Wilde | This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last |
283 |
| Pamela Anderson | I've been fortunate - I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with the right people |
283 |
| Oscar Wilde | There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose |
282 |
| Pamela Anderson | It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people |
282 |
| Shakespeare | The empty vessel makes the loudest sound |
282 |
| Montgomery Burns | What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? |
281 |
| Rowan Atkinson | I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it |
281 |
| Clint Eastwood | They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning |
280 |
| Oscar Wilde | Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go |
280 |
| Oscar Wilde | If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized |
279 |
| Oscar Wilde | No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly |
279 |
| Oscar Wilde | Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast |
279 |
| Warren Buffet | Gold gets dug out of the ground in Africa, or someplace. Then we melt it down, dig another hole, bury it again and pay people to stand around guarding it. It has no utility. Anyone watching from Mars would be scratching their head |
279 |
| Jim Carrey | If I'm not back in five minutes, wait longer |
278 |
| John Cleese | Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation, look, please try to understand before one of us dies |
278 |
| Oscar Wilde | It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating |
278 |
| Rowan Atkinson | Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther |
278 |
| Oscar Wilde | All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his |
277 |
| Barack Obama | It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it |
276 |
| Oscar Wilde | Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike |
276 |
| Will Smith | It's woman like her why God made darkness |
276 |
| Will Smith | Woah! Carlton, whats that growing out of ur neck? Its so ugly and wierd. Oh wait its just your head |
276 |
| Montgomery Burns | Oh, you poor man. You're about to get poorer |
275 |
| Oscar Wilde | Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing |
275 |
| Oscar Wilde | To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity |
275 |
| Pamela Anderson | Size does matter. There's a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things |
275 |
| Rowan Atkinson | I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese |
275 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals |
274 |
| Shakespeare | For my part, it was Greek to me |
274 |
| Oscar Wilde | Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching |
273 |
| Barack Obama | Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich |
272 |
| Eminem | I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid? |
272 |
| Homer Simpson | That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too |
272 |
| Homer Simpson | You say that so often that it lost its meaning |
272 |
| Montgomery Burns | I ought to club them and eat their bones! |
272 |
| John Cleese | I did have a dreadful mother. Isn't that a terrible thing to say? But it's true. She was classically self-centred. Always thought entirely of herself. And she lived to 101 - I thought I'd never get rid of her |
271 |
| Oscar Wilde | Only the shallow know themselves |
271 |
| John Cleese | Oh, "him". He's hopeless, isn't he? |
270 |
| Oscar Wilde | He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends |
270 |
| Zig Ziglar | Everyone knows what a hypocrite is. That's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR |
270 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger | Well, there was no sex for 14 days |
269 |
| John Cleese | Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you |
269 |
| Montgomery Burns | Smithers I'm thinking about donating some money to the orphanage, when pigs fly! |
269 |
| Oscar Wilde | He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him |
269 |
| Oscar Wilde | Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both |
268 |
| Bruce Lee | If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you |
267 |
| Montgomery Burns | Hmmm, eternal happiness for one dollar? I'd rather keep the dollar |
267 |
| Oscar Wilde | I can resist anything but temptation |
266 |
| Oscar Wilde | The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast |
266 |
| Montgomery Burns | I'm your cell mate! You never noticed me before because you're extremely self centered! |
265 |
| Oscar Wilde | Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary |
265 |
| Eminem | Who's Tony Blair, did he get his dick sucked? Oh he ain't shit then |
264 |
| Homer Simpson | Oh sure. Even communism works. In theory |
264 |
| Oscar Wilde | The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation |
264 |
| Will Smith | Do you see this? N-Y-P-D! Means I will knock your punk-ass down! |
263 |
| John Cleese | Don't be alarmed, it's only my wife laughing |
262 |
| Montgomery Burns | Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! |
262 |
| Oscar Wilde | I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying |
262 |
| Oscar Wilde | Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands |
262 |
| Oscar Wilde | Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer |
261 |
| Barack Obama | I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse |
260 |
| Homer Simpson | I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush |
260 |
| Oscar Wilde | Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them? |
260 |
| Will Smith | I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat |
260 |
| Will Smith | Could you drop me off at the beach? No, scratch that. Drop me off a couple of blocks from the beach. The honeys will get nervous if they see me with a midget |
258 |
| Shakespeare | How well he's read, to reason against reading! |
257 |
| Homer Simpson | There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it |
255 |
| John Cleese | You'll have to forgive him. He's from Barcelona |
255 |
| Oscar Wilde | I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones |
255 |
| Aristotle | Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber |
254 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger | If they don't have the guts, I call them girlie men |
254 |
| John Cleese | Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky |
252 |
| Phoebe Buffay | Nothing rhymes with your stupid name |
252 |
| John Cleese | No, not your hamster. How could I knock a nail in with a hamster? Well, I could try, couldn't I? |
251 |
| John Cleese | Manuel, you're a waste of space |
250 |
| Pamela Anderson | You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet |
250 |
| John Cleese | Yes you did, you invaded Poland |
247 |
| Montgomery Burns | Is it wrong if I cheat to win a million-dollar bet? |
247 |
| John Cleese | Well, at least it's "fresh" puke! |
246 |
| Oscar Wilde | However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive |
246 |
| Oscar Wilde | Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed |
246 |
| Montgomery Burns | I don't like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children |
245 |
| Warren Buffet | As far as you are concerned, the stock market does not exist. Ignore it |
245 |
| John Cleese | Well, of course it's a rat. You have rats in Spain, don't you - or did Franco have them all shot? |
244 |
| John Cleese | Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries |
243 |
| Pamela Anderson | I still have your suspenders from last time |
242 |
| Phoebe Buffay | The cow in the meadow goes moo - The cow in the meadow goes moo - Then the farmer hits her on the head and grinds her - And that's where hamburger comes from |
242 |
| Oscar Wilde | I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures |
241 |
| Jim Carrey | I must say, you are a gloomy-looking bunch |
238 |
| Montgomery Burns | Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers? |
238 |
| Eminem | Saving Private Ryan was probably the illest, sickest movie I've ever watched, and I didn't see anybody criticizing that one for violence |
237 |
| John Cleese | Don't touch me, I don't know where you've been |
236 |
| John Cleese | Oh spiffing. Absolutely spiffing. Well done. Two dead, Twenty-five to go |
236 |
| Will Smith | I have my methods, and that Toni's roommates have a combined IQ of a raisin |
236 |
| Will Smith | I hear you lost your swing. I guess we got to go find it |
236 |
| John Cleese | Do you know what that fire extinguisher did? It exploded in my face. I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher? It sits there for months, and when you actually have a fire - when you actually need the bloody thing - it blows your head off! I mean, what is happening to this country? |
235 |
| Oscar Wilde | As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied |
235 |
| Garfield | No need for a second opinion |
234 |
| John Cleese | When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well |
234 |
| John Cleese | A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed |
232 |
| Phoebe Buffay | First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay, but here I am singing on his wedding day! |
231 |
| John Cleese | Why don't you talk properly? |
230 |
| Garfield | If you are patient, and wait long enough, nothing will happen! |
229 |
| John Cleese | 600 years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced |
229 |
| John Cleese | Oh, it's my fault is it? I thought it was your fault for falling asleep or Manuel's fault for not waking you, and all the while it was "my" fault. Oh, it's so obvious now I've seen the light! Well, I must be punished then, mustn't I? |
229 |
| Phoebe Buffay | She was nice to me, but she's in hell for sure |
229 |
| Garfield | His I.Q. is so low you can't test it. You have to dig for it |
226 |
| John Cleese | I'll put an ad in the papers. Wanted, kind home for enormous savage rodent. Answers to the name of Sybil |
226 |
| John Cleese | Oh, what is it now? Can't you leave me in peace? |
226 |
| Oscar Wilde | Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf |
226 |
| Will Smith | Wait, hold up, I think you need to chill. I'm twice your size, and half your age, so you need to just back off |
226 |
| Phoebe Buffay | I can see why running next to me would be embarrassing for you |
225 |
| Shakespeare | There's small choice in rotten apples |
224 |
| Garfield | If u want to look thinner, hang around people fatter than u |
223 |
| Oscar Wilde | Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected |
223 |
| Phoebe Buffay | A house for dolls. That's great. When I was growing up I had a barrel |
222 |
| Will Smith | Now lookie here, you big, orange, Moby Dick |
221 |
| Garfield | If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider |
220 |
| John Cleese | Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears? |
220 |
| Will Smith | I think you've been deprived of oxygen at birth |
220 |
| Garfield | Have you used your brain today? |
218 |
| Homer Simpson | You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity |
217 |
| John Cleese | I knew it. I knew this would happen if we hired a Frenchman |
217 |
| John Cleese | The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip |
217 |
| Alanis Morissette | We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect |
215 |
| Garfield | That boy wasn't born. He was found in a fortune cookie |
215 |
| Phoebe Buffay | You would not hold up well under torture |
215 |
| Garfield | Odie, let's talk effort versus return here. You know, you can still lead a pointless life without all that running around |
214 |
| Garfield | Odie's so stupid he'd have to stand on a chair to raise his I.Q. He's ugly too. It would take two of him to get any uglier. He's so ugly, he wouldn't have to wear a mask to go trick or treating on Halloween |
213 |
| Will Smith | Just because the kid's cute, doesn't mean you're not the father |
213 |
| Phoebe Buffay | Okay it just seems a little wild and you're so... vanilla |
212 |
| Will Smith | Sometimes I just be coughing for nothin! |
212 |
| Phoebe Buffay | When I play, I play for me! - I don't need your charity! |
211 |
| John Cleese | I'm so sorry at the rubbish we get in here |
210 |
| John Cleese | You wouldn't understand, dear, it's called "style" |
210 |
| John Cleese | Walnuts! That's a laugh! Easier to find a packet of sliced hippopotamus in suitcase sauce than a walnut in this bloody kitchen! |
209 |
| Will Smith | Yeeaaahhh shut up and get back inside, you're stretching the building |
209 |
| John Cleese | Did you ever see that film "How To Murder Your Wife"? |
208 |
| Will Smith | Let's get one thing straight, I don't look like Carlton, I don't act like Carlton, and most importantly I don't look like Carlton! |
208 |
| Barack Obama | It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you |
207 |
| Will Smith | Damn, those are some big feet! |
207 |
| Garfield | I'd love to go camping with you, but I have to stay home and pluck my nose hairs |
206 |
| Homer Simpson | God bless those pagans |
206 |
| Homer Simpson | No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz |
205 |
| Garfield | That's not a dog! That's a tongue with eyeballs! |
204 |
| Will Smith | No, Carlton, if I had your friends, and if I woke up one day and found that I had a little horse on a polo shirt, I'd jump off the Empire State Building in attempt to catch a nail in my eye! |
204 |
| Garfield | You can bet it wasn't an exercise freak who invented power steering |
202 |
| Will Smith | Why don't you just do me like Kunta Kinte and cut off my foot? |
202 |
| Garfield | It's pathetic the way some animals beg at the table. Where is your pride, Odie? |
200 |
| Will Smith | If I were you, I'd get a red nose and some big shoes and call it a day |
199 |
| Warren Buffet | I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me |
198 |
| Will Smith | Roses are red, Violets are blue, Jazz and I are black, but, Carlton, what are you? |
197 |
| Garfield | I have to go to class. I need some sleep |
196 |
| Phoebe Buffay | Oh my God! A woman flirting with a single man? We MUST alert the church elders! |
196 |
| Phoebe Buffay | Sometimes men love women - Sometimes men love men - And then there are bisexuals - Though some just say they're kidding themselves |
196 |
| Will Smith | I'm innocent Will, and this is Uncle Phil, attorney at law... and this is Little Carlton. He's trying to find his way back to the circus |
196 |
| Homer Simpson | Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try |
195 |
| Homer Simpson | Rats. I almost had him eating dog food |
194 |
| Garfield | Have you tasted yourself lately? |
190 |
| Garfield | Why don't YOU watch where I'm going? |
190 |
| Jim Carrey | Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes |
190 |
| Oscar Wilde | Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best |
190 |
| Will Smith | I just saw you from across the room with that big "Fuck Off" stamped on your forehead |
188 |
| Aaliyah |
There are relationships where a guy already has a girlfriend and he's got one on the side, too |
187 |
| John Cleese | We don't "have" any salad cream |
187 |
| Garfield | There was a dog that was so ugly, cars used to chase him! |
186 |
| Will Smith | Man, I love Halloween! It's the only time of year when a black man can wear a mask at night and not get arrested! |
186 |
| Garfield | A masterfully understated observation, especially when you consider it's coming from a total idiot! |
182 |
| John Cleese | These "are" proper French-fried potatoes. The chef is Continental |
180 |
| Quentin Tarantino | Tell you what. Next time I do a movie, you can drive me to the set |
178 |
| Garfield | Get yourself lost. Take a powder for a couple days, get a haircut, and grow a beard |
177 |
| Will Smith | Hey, hey, hey man. Man, have I told you how thin you're lookin' lately? |
176 |
| Jim Carrey | What do you mean you don't bet? Wussy! Wussy! |
175 |
| Oscar Wilde | Some do it with a bitter look |
174 |
| Quentin Tarantino | Apocalypse Now was a major success. That was a smash. The film went on and made 0 million |
174 |
| Homer Simpson | Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively |
173 |
| Jim Carrey | Good day mate! Let's put another, shrimp on the barbi! |
172 |
| John Cleese | You can get your wife to sit on em! |
170 |
| Alanis Morissette | In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming |
163 |
