Funny Women ~~~ |
| Author | Quote | Score |
|---|---|---|
| Oscar Wilde | Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat | 307 |
| Oscar Wilde | A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction | 306 |
| Oscar Wilde | No woman, plain or pretty, has any common sense at all, sir. Common sense is the privilege of our sex | 299 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger | I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman | 296 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women are made to be loved, not understood | 294 |
| Oscar Wilde | The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty and to someone else if she is plain | 292 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious | 291 |
| Oscar Wilde | To have the reputation of possessing the most perfect social tact, talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you | 287 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women love men for their defects; if men have enough of them, women will forgive them anything, even their gigantic intellects | 284 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes | 283 |
| Boris Becker | I didn't kill nobody; I didn't rape no children; I had sex with a woman who wasn't my wife. It was wrong, but I paid for it | 280 |
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| Oscar Wilde | When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand | 280 |
| Oscar Wilde | There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about | 278 |
| Oscar Wilde | All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his | 277 |
| Will Smith | It's woman like her why God made darkness | 276 |
| Oscar Wilde | Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals | 274 |
| Oscar Wilde | When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs | 271 |
| Oscar Wilde | Buck up and be jolly, my dear lady! Stillbirth is a sign that God has a sense of humour! | 270 |
| Oscar Wilde | The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public | 270 |
| Oscar Wilde | One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything | 267 |
| Karl Marx | Is your wife also active in the German ladies great emancipation campaign? I think that German women should begin by driving their husbands to self-emancipation | 265 |
| Warren Buffet | If you have a harem of 40 women, you never get to know any of them very well | 265 |
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| Oscar Wilde | Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands | 262 |
| Will Smith | Tons of women would love to have sex with me. I hate the image of black men as promiscuous and unable to control themselves sexually. I don't like that image | 262 |
| Oscar Wilde | The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analyzed, women merely adored | 261 |
| Oscar Wilde | How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being | 256 |
| Pamela Anderson | You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet | 250 |
| Homer Simpson | I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes! | 248 |
| Clint Eastwood | When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross | 247 |
| Oscar Wilde | Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed | 246 |
| Oscar Wilde | No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating | 246 |
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| Arnold Schwarzenegger | I saw this toilet bowl. How many times do you get away with this - to take a woman, grab her upside down, and bury her face in a toilet bowl? I wanted to have something floating there... The thing is, you can do it, because in the end, I didn't do it to a woman - she's a machine! We could get away with it without being crucified by who-knows-what group | 242 |
| Homer Simpson | Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman | 240 |
| Oscar Wilde | As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied | 235 |
| Homer Simpson | A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice | 234 |
| Michael Phelps | There is one woman in China that claimed she paid $50 to get my e-mail address. It was pretty shocking. I got one this morning from Scotland. A girl's requesting a signed photo of me | 229 |
| Shakespeare | The lady doth protest too much, methinks | 226 |
| John Cleese | American women: Can't afford to live with them. Can't afford to pay them $2 million a year | 222 |
| John Cleese | I was just doing it, you stupid woman. I just put it down, to come here and be reminded by you to do what I'm already doin. What is the point in reminding me to do what I'm already doing? What is the bloody point? I'm doing it aren't I? | 222 |
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| Homer Simpson | Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! | 217 |
| Homer Simpson | Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing | 213 |
| Will Smith | I ain't heard no fat lady! | 200 |
| Phoebe Buffay | Oh my God! A woman flirting with a single man? We MUST alert the church elders! | 196 |
| Phoebe Buffay | Sometimes men love women - Sometimes men love men - And then there are bisexuals - Though some just say they're kidding themselves | 196 |
| Oscar Wilde | She is absolutely inadmissible into society. Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit | 193 |
| Jim Carrey | Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes | 190 |
| Will Smith | I'd like to Aunt Viv, really. But it's hard to get my groove on with an old woman | 186 |
| Will Smith | Having her home all the time is great. She picks our clothes out for us, makes our lunches, cuts the crust off the ends of our bread...That women must be stopped! | 180 |
| Will Smith | Oh, you don't know "kid talk". You know, "bad" is good, "stupid" is wonderful, and "old" is uh... beautiful. You "so" old Aunt Viv. You're the "oldest" woman I've even seen | 178 |
| Jim Carrey | I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart! | 149 |
| Funny Women Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Women Quotes Collection | ||
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